Sardar Jokes

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Sardar Jokes

Post by Sal on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 12:11 am

Modern day world has glorified Sardar jokes as an essential section in any jokes page. Its something similar to Dumb blonds in the States. Here are your list of Sardar Jokes personally collected from all around the internet.

Sal

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Sardarji and Cricket match with West Indies

Post by Sal on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 12:14 am

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest…

First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji’s off-stump. Sardarji doesn’t move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji’s bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.

Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn’t move a muscle.

Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn’t move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts “No Ball!”

Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, “So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!”

Sal

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Collection Vol. One

Post by Sal on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 12:22 am

1. A Sardar received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!
When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!

2. Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”.
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”.
Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

3. A sardar wins the Texas lottery.
He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our sardar says, “I want my $20 million now.”
The man replies, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The sardar replies, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it now.”
Again, the man repeats the explanation. The sardar, now furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my $20 back!”

4. Once three sardars decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
So, the youngest sardar said he would go home and get the soda if the others promised not to eat the sandwiches until he got back.
An hour, a couple of hours, then all day went by.
Both sardars were now very hungry.
Finally one of the sardars said: “Oh, come on, he is not going to be back. Let’s eat the sandwiches.”
Suddenly, the youngest sardar popped up from behind a rock and said: “If you do, I wont go.”

5. Four sardars wanted to open an auto repair shop.
They bought the best car servicing equipment and soon inaugurated the repair shop.
They all waited eagerly on the inaugural day; but no customer arrived. A couple of days passed, there were no cars that came in for repairs.
A week, then a month went by, there were no cars.
After all, how could cars come in, the sardars had put up their garage on the second floor.

6. Sardar joined a new job. On the very first day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked him what he did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

7. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that Saradars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A Saradar works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, “Eighteen!” Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 Saradars start cheering, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance.”
So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened - the Saradar starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance– What is 2 plus 2?”
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 Saradars jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…
“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

8. Banta went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.
“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.
“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Banta replied.
The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”
“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

9. Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.
After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Ludhiana.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bar and have a beer. As he sat enjoying his beer, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat.
Before long, a very beautiful young woman came to his table, asked him something in Tamil (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the Chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in Hindi, but she did not knew Hindi so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a beer glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of beer for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bar and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was Packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Banta has no idea how she figured out he was in the Furniture business.

10. Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.
A month later he was back at the same dealer for another hundred chickens because the second lot had also died and then Santa realised “I think I know where I’m going wrong,” said Santa, “I think I’m planting them too deep.”

Sal

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Re: Sardar Jokes

Post by Misbah on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 11:30 pm

Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye...???

Circuit: simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lene ka..!!!

Paani mein whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c.

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

Agar Feroz Khan Don hota to dialouge kya hota?
Mere sar par baal aane ka intezaar to 11 shehron ke naayi kar rahe hain, par mere sar par baal aana mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai... Hair oil ki ad mein hair dikhate hain, Skin cream ki ad mein Skin, Toothpaste me Teeth, Footwears me Feet, par WHISPER ki ad mein kuch nahi dikhate????

Jaago Grahak Jaago! A notice in a factory for girl workers.
"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega...!

INDIA KI REET... Ladki agar apni marzi se de de to PYAAR... Agar Dost Dilwaye to UPHAR... Ghar wale dilwaye to SANSKAR... aur agar apne aap lele to... BaLaTkAar... Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.

Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao.

Why Mahendra Singh Dhoni has no girlfriend?....
Because, he drinks 2 litre of milk daily.

Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

An journalist to mallika sherawat: What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?
Mallika: I go back to my home!

Daughter: Mom, kya yeh sach hai ki ladke jahan apna l*nd dalte hain, bachha wahin se nikalta hai?
Mom: Haan.
Daughter: Oh my god! To kya mera bachha mere muh se niklega? A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?

Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara.
Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja.

Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.
Mother: Stupid !He wanted to see ur panty.
Daughter: I am clever I din't wear any of them.

Which Part...
of a man's body
has no bone
full of veins
loves pumping
and responsible 4
making LOVE!

ANSWER:
HEART!!! But i luv the way u think...

Skin meets Skin
When is that
the skin meets skin,
hair meets hair
n balls disappear..
dirty mind
its when
u BLINK UR EYES

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.


Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

Misbah

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Re: Sardar Jokes

Post by Misbah on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 11:38 pm

[b]Vodafone walo ka kutta aaj subah hi chal basa.
Ab vo monkey se add karvana chahte hai.
Tumhe meri dosti ki kasam wada karo tum nahi
Jaoge. Keep smiling.

Lady – shoes dikhaiye.
Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no.
Shopkeeper :- jaao madam jaao, ghar se soch kar nikla karo
Kyalena hai.

Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. Tho sala chadne kyu nahi deta.

Husband ne sasural me biwi se : chalo sex karte hain
Biwi : nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai
Husband :- tho kya mere baap ka ghar red light area hai jo to roz Taiyar ho jati hai.

Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha " kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?"
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalta tha aaj se life time karwa liya.


Hone wali bahu ko dekhne aaye sasur ne kaha beti chai aati hai.
Ladki boli tum pagal ho mujhe abhi tak dudh nahi aata. Chai kya ghanta aayegi.


Women's life is very hard – morning – wash clothes,
Noon – dry clothes,
Evening- iron clothes,
Night – open clothes,
Late night-search clothes.

Ques : shadi me dulhe ke saath
Baarati kyun jate hain ? ? ?
Ans :- kyunki bade kehte hain ki kisiki khushi mein
Jao na jao par musibat me zarur jana chahiye..


Lady in bus :- aapka kuch touch ho raha hai.
Man :- oh, who meri salary hai pocket me.
Lady :- harami teri salary 5minute me 5 guna badh gayi kya

Misbah

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Re: Sardar Jokes

Post by Misbah on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 11:40 pm

son: kal daddy ke office room se PRAYER karne ki awaaz aa rahi thi



mom: pray karna to achhi baat hai



son: daddy to chup theyunki secreatry chilla rahi thi "Oh God Oh God"



............ ......... ......... ......... .......



Dost! Mere marne ke baad mera janaza uski galiyo me ghuma denaagar wo dikh jaye to ek bar mera hila dena..
.
.
.
.
Abe Hath

Bye Bye Bolna hai..



............ ......... ......... ......... .......



Boy: "Aunty why was uncle lying on u last night..?"



Aunty: "He was checking my temperature."



Boy: "did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking..!"



............ ......... ......... ......... .......



Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?



A: How do you breathe through that thing?



............ ......... ......... ......... .......

Misbah

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Re: Sardar Jokes

Post by Misbah on Sun 04 Jan 2009, 11:44 pm

Women are evil if they don't get what they need....

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.


'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.

'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.


'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued,

Running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.

'Tell him, There's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.'

wat say Laughing lol!

Misbah

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